minor breakthroughs

I have had a couple minor breakthroughs. The first is that yesterday I think I figured out my problem with Nathalie. I find that whenever I have problems, I like to talk about them but then I often shoot down any solutions that anyone else suggests. My train of thought = "If I have a problem, there isn't a solution, duh. That's why I have my problem in the first place..." However, if someone else starts talking about their problems, I see solutions all over the place. Train of thought in that situation = "Just do this that and the other thing. That's so EASY! And even if it wasn't easy, it'd be worth it to make the effort to fix the problem so just DO IT! Duh..." So, ya kind of have to gauge the situation. Sometimes people are looking for suggestions, but more often, I think, people just want someone to listen while they unload all their problems. Sometimes I'm good at listening, sometimes I try to give advice where it isn't needed. All part of social intelligence, which unfortunately doesn't always come naturally to me.

ANYWAY the thing that had been frustrating me the most with Nathalie is that she always has dilemmas. She always had some body part that wasn't functioning or some situation that she wasn't comfortable with or some person who had insulted her. At first, I'd tried the suggestion approach. I accompanied her to the doctor for her arm problem (which really was something that needed to get fixed) and told her exactly the sorts of things she needed to do to get better for random things. "Just ignore that person. They didn't mean it like that." "Make sure and take these pills exactly how the pharmacist told you!" I even started sounding like my own mother. "Your stomach is hurting? Drink lots of water, and it'll pass- you'll see!" "Your skin isn't quite the right color on your arm? Drink water!" "So and so offended you? Drink water!" (just kidding on the last one)

Of course, since she only wanted to talk about her problems, she didn't want any of my suggestions. It frustrated me because I was offering all the wisdom of my almost-19-year-old self on how to get rid of her stomachache, and she would interrupt me mid-sentence and change the subject, talking about ANOTHER problem. BLAGH! She wouldn't listen. I tried to listen and sympathize for a while, but I think that there is still a limit on how many dysfunctional bodily functions you ought to allow to dominate the conversation. And yes, I sound like a brat when I say that, but I promise- when I'm with her I'm really just doing my best to cheer her up. So yesterday, I found the third and so far most successful solution (sounds so simple, but I hadn't seen the pattern til yesterday and today). I change the subject. I tell her straight out, "We've talked a lot about negative stuff, and I don't like negative subjects. Let's talk about something positive. What's something that you like? What's your favorite song?" Nathalie has a beautiful singing voice. She's 77 years old, and so she has a voice that reminds me a bit of Clytie Wilkinson's voice: slow and even vibrato, and a mature, older, sound. Although Nathalie's isn't quite so operatic. Once I started talking to her about something that she's good at, she almost lit up. Being with her was a pleasure! It's important to remind her about how valuable she is, her talents and why she's appreciated. I hardly know anything about her past, but from what she's talked to me about, I think that she hasn't ever had much of a family, let alone a supporting one.

By the way, writing about Nathalie in that last entry, was sort of a new thing for me on a couple levels. First of all, since this is a blog that's open to the world, I keep it super fluffy a lot of the time. Positive only, just talk about problems after they're resolved (and when I wrote about her yesterday, I hadn't internally resolved it yet), that sort of thing. Also, I've been torn a lot of this experience about sharing too many things about people. I wanted to be able to honestly convey the things that I'm experiencing here, but at the same time I wanted to respect the privacy of the individuals I meet. But as my internship's drawing to a close, I think it's important for me to retain some of the things I'm seeing, not just in cheesy lists of "OK, here's what I've learned so far! Yay!" but in emotions and reasoning through situations that lead to those conclusions. I'm a pretty regular journal writer back in the States, but when I'm abroad, this is my journal.

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about that other breakthrough I promised you back in the first paragraph! I have finally gotten about 1 page written and the bibliography compiled for my two page abstract that I've really needed to have done for a long time. I give the credit to the lack of Youtube. I'm gonna finish the rest of it tonight, and if it's really dragging it might stretch into tomorrow morning. That will be a huge relief. Then I'll have til October 1st to finish the rest of my papers. I think I prefer to do a 7 pager in French than a 15 pager in English. The part I struggle with is finding the ideas to express, not actually getting them on the paper. So I'll have a 7 pager on the history of Paris, a 7 pager on my experience with Les Petits Frères (those'll both be easy- just spittin' out facts and agendas; little analyzing involved) and then my monster of a 15-20 page research paper (in French, btw). Fortunately, this abstract that I'm working on right now is actually for the research paper, so it'll help make that project chewable. And then, of course, I turn in this blog, which you are now reading, and my Summer Term 2010 will be complete! Yay!

My goal is to have the 7 pagers done by the time I get home. I have just over two weeks left here, so we'll see as it approaches how feasible that goal is.

This poster was one of my major inspirations for my abstract. My topic is the intertwining roles of government, religion, and private associations in the care of the elderly. This is a poster for preventing deadly consequences from the dreaded French heat waves. (It's really not that bad. We've pretty much stayed under 90 degrees since I got here. The biggest thing is that the French haven't heard of air conditioning J)